my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
