Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
