I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
