the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
