So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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