I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
