so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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