Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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