I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize