That's intense
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
