i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
