Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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