Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize