Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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