I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
