It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
areolas are like halos for boobs.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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