I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
