Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
