is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
