Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
