Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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