When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
