i jhust puked up my retainher.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
