By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
smell my finger.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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