Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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