Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
