And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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