its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
