Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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