i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
