After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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