The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
