I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize