I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
