the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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