Porn is love you can see.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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