I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
