I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I die, sorry about rent.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
