Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this will be a night to untag.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
