My balls are so social today.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
