Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
