I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
