theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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