i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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