Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
