walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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