Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
