we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
