Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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