I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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