ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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