I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
