yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
