hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
