i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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