Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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