Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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