If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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