oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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