Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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