This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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