my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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