"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
