Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
