dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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