I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
