I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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