I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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