I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
