3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
