apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
