my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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