I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
