Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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